Make Magic Happen With Communication
by Barry Habib

“Can you hear me now?” Ah, but hearing and understanding are two totally different things. Ever had someone fail to deliver on a promise, fail to follow up, fail to communicate their ideas to you or just not have their act together? While it’s easy to get a little upset over these disappointments from people you are paying for services, you can also look at this as a blessing. Thank goodness there are so many folks who just don’t “get it”…as this makes it so easy to be successful when you do know how to communicate effectively.

Don’t you just love it when your sales person or agent really “gets it”? They understand you and you understand them – you just click! Sure, price is important, but wouldn’t you pay a little more to work with someone who has great communication with you? Most of us would. Communication could solve so many problems but it breaks down so often. It really is hard to get an idea out of one person’s head and into another’s. If someone has a concept in his or her brain, they understand it or see it clearly. This is also a handicap. Because it is so clear to one person, they assume the person they are communicating to can also see it clearly…but in many cases, they can’t. This may also explain why superstar athletes rarely make great coaches - they can’t understand why it doesn’t come as naturally for others.

“Lamont, ya big dummy!”…Fred Sanford of “Sanford and Son”

Let’s begin taking a closer look at how we transfer ideas back and forth by naming the person who is sending the communication as the “sender” and the person receiving the information as the “receiver”. A common breakdown in communication occurs when an idea is relayed from the sender to the receiver but the receiver does not have clarity or a good understanding of the message. The receiver will often smile, nod and even say they understand. Now, why the heck would they do that if they really don’t understand? Nobody wants to appear dumb or like they aren’t with it. Just not knowing the concept in the first place can be enough of a blow to someone’s ego, but now add that the individual still doesn’t really get it after it has been explained and you have a potential cause for embarrassment. This embarrassment is enhanced if the incident takes place around others or in a public setting. So the receiver makes believe they understand, while actually being clueless. And this hurts the sender as much as the receiver, because the idea they believe they have successfully relayed was actually lost altogether.

Open Wide…it’s Time to Eat

So how do we master the art of great communication? It starts with the sender putting himself or herself in the position of the receiver. The sender has to “spoon feed” the information. Here’s a visual. Take some applesauce and a spoon, then put those items in front of a hungry person…seems pretty obvious, they should go ahead and eat. But what if that person were just 5 months old? You would certainly have to “spoon feed” them. Eventually, that little 5-month old will get the hang of it. And most receivers are just like the 5-month old…wanting to learn so they can then understand…which are two importantly different things.
The first rule of great communication is for the sender not to assume that the receiver knows the subject matter. Begin spoon-feeding the material slowly and solicit feedback as you go. This will help you pace the speed of your spoon-feeding. Some receivers may already have a good grasp on the information but your patience and concern will be a welcome breath of fresh air for them. Remember to never be condescending, just concerned and non-assuming.

Recap the journey

The next rule is to remember that the receiver cannot see inside the sender's head. This is the most difficult challenge for the sender to overcome. Rarely are ideas formulated in one shot. In other words, most ideas travel along a thought process. There are twists and turns and processes of elimination along the way. An idea in the sender's head has already gone through this process. But when an idea is communicated, the sender usually just fires the end result out to the receiver, without the benefit of taking them through the journey. If the sender paves the way for the receiver first by giving a brief tour as to how they arrived at the idea or concept, the receiver will have a much easier time following along and, most importantly, understanding what is inside the mind of the sender and how it got there. When people begin to communicate this way, it eliminates so many misunderstandings. You can truly see why the sender feels the way they do and how they arrived at their position.

Who’s on first?

Abbot and Costello made us laugh by taking misunderstandings and turning them into comedy. Misunderstandings happen too often and, while sometimes funny, they can wreak havoc on your business or relationship. Clarity is king. Go back to how you learned and understood the concept you are trying to communicate and clearly express that to the receiver.

Once successful communication begins, it can be very exciting. Peoples’ minds begin to race with more ideas to build onto the original one. But the parties need to remember how the great communication got started. Be careful not to assume everyone is still on the same page. Confirm, recap, summarize as you go. This will ensure that you are not talking about two different things.

The thought exchange

Once the receiver is on the same page, they become the sender…and if done effectively…this can become a fluid exchange of ideas and thoughts in a wonderfully harmonized manner that takes place at lightning speed. This is because both minds can almost see what is happening inside the others. We have all been there. You are so in sync with someone that you say the same thing at the same time, you find yourselves able to correctly finish each other's sentences or arrive at the same conclusion together…or best yet, you differ but grow by understanding the rationale for the difference. It’s magic!